Should I ask my mom to rent me an apartment to live with a guy?
Good day everyone. Girl, 24 years old. Guy 25. Both have nothing of their own. The first time I seek advice from the forum. I have friends, but I cannot discuss them, I don’t know why. In general, the situation is as follows. We meet with the boy for a year and a half, we live together for a year in an apartment in which he lived with his mother before. Mom now moved to live in another country, after her departure I drove into. He is familiar with his mother only by chance meeting and by correspondence in the military. He is not familiar with my parents. This apartment belongs to a friend of a guy, we pay for it (a treshka in a panel house) conditionally 16,000 rubles. Taking into account the fact that in our city such apartments cost from 20,000 rubles or more, this is a good price. BUT! Zmo here is cold, from the cracks in the window openings blowing, there are cracks behind the plinths, you don’t know what to repair, the roof has been flowing for 4 years, it has recently been made, it started to rain, as a result, the laptop got burned out on the shield, there was a short circuit. I had to spend about 10,000 rubles to restore.There are no curtains, peeling walls, no chandeliers. In general, I and the guy understand that it is necessary to throw out of this apartment, even though I loved her, despite all its flaws. We decided that if you move it only to something better, you get an awl on soap. But on the sites of ads and in general in our city even such a two-room apartment in a panel house costs about 18 thousand rubles. Our salary is not too big to increase rental costs. In this case, the guy came from another city. Now. My mom has an apartment in a very convenient area for a boyfriend, he is literally 500 meters from work. And the plus in the apartment is fresh renovation and I myself chose everything to my liking, the apartment turned out beautiful and warm. I lived there for some time when I was studying at the university. Now mom rents this apartment to a girl with a son (10 years old), he goes to school (also 500 meters) and she pays mom 20,000 rubles. Mom has long offered me the type of you and the guy move there will pay 10,000 rubles (do not think that the mother mercantile, would have let for free, but my mother needs money to pay the sister, from whom they bought a private house in installments and which is now building the house in Novosibirsk). But my mother has one condition I have to introduce my parents to a guy. Dad also does not like that in all the year and a half I have never presented them to each other.And I don’t want to make a proposal and make a family with me, so I want to bring a person to my parents’s home, who definitely wants to be my future husband. Moreover, I do not want to strain the guy and that he felt that he was lured into the network. He himself does not mind meeting his parents, but I understand that he would prefer to avoid this dating. We kind of discussed with him and he is ready to move and to get acquainted. But I am tormented by doubts. Firstly, the guy has a sister, who goes to the university in our city and most likely plans to live with us, my mother does not know how to react to this. Secondly, the boy's mother left in the apartment in which we now live a lot of our things, we just talked to my mom, and I realized that she didn’t want me to bring the boy’s mother’s things to her apartment (she is afraid that there will be a warehouse). Thirdly, the girl who is now renting her mother’s apartment lives with her son, and if it is too selfish of me to ask her to move, especially since it’s the beginning of school and I’m still worried about the boy, suddenly they won’t find another apartment area and it will be hard for him to get to school. And fourthly, it is annoying for me to live with a guy in my parents' territory.In principle, they are very understanding people, but I don’t want one day to come and see some kind of intimate lubricant, or that the dishes are not washed, or the floors are dirty, because my mother used to chase me for these things because of my adolescence and I would not like to hear it now. I myself am a lawyer, and thought to formalize our rental relationship with my mother, draw up a contract and all that. But this is mom, and I love her very much and she, and dad will be offended if I tell them that by law, landlords have the right to visit the rented
property no more than 2 times a month. I don’t know, honestly, what bothers me in this whole situation is either the lack of independence and that I again ask for help from my parents, which I haven’t done for a year, or that I’m going to live in the parents' house with a person whose status is incomprehensible to them ( they are old school). Or the fact that they will be able to control me again. To be honest, I live with someone for the first time, and I don’t want to interfere in our relationship with my boyfriend, parents, friends, etc. I understand that I may be thinking infantile, but I need the experience of women who have gone through all of this. I am afraid of some conclusions to which I can come as a result of my thoughts, but nevertheless I want to analyze the situation.How to make it better for everyone? To live in this apartment is not an option, and if you rent more expensive, I understand that I will never save anything in my life for anything, I’m already leaving money like water through my fingers, the guy and I both don’t know how to save. Mortgage is also not an option. Well, for a guy it is also not profitable to move into an apartment more expensive. Basically, the rent drags him. But if it is financially beneficial to move to my mom’s apartment, it’s morally, personally, I’m still not sure why. I have wonderful parents, honestly and a wonderful guy. But .. something restless in my heart.
Please, someone) respond; (
Talk to your mother, tell me what you wrote here. Maybe mom will understand everything and even you will not have to shoot. You are still her child. Even with a guy, too, would not hurt to talk about family and children, so you can live for ten years, get pregnant, and he will wash his hands and marry another. Million of such stories. It’s better to talk about what's bothering you right away. Do not believe how soon it will be easier to live.
If I understand correctly, you are not married and have no children?
Do you both work and at least 1.5-2-3 times higher than the rent?
You have not spoiled the relationship with any guy or parents?
Live and enjoy life! Make repairs in the apartment "stupid", smearing the "stupid" cement gap and replacing the window. Glue fresh wallpaper. Leave your mother's apartment to your mother, do not touch her in any case, at least until you get married. Look constantly flat cheaper / closer to work / better. Look constantly for work better / higher than op / more prestigious, raise qualifications.
What you now call a problem is a normal time through which almost everyone passes. But if it would be the same with "I am married, two children and ... what you described above," then yes ... But such an alignment happens ..
And introduce the guy to his parents. And if you or he does not want / do not want it, then you have no future normal, and the issue with the apartment will disappear by itself.